I am pretty lazy.
That might be a bombshell for everyone but my mother and a few sisters. I hide it well. But I notice my lazy streak flaring up in my daughter. She takes the easiest route. She leaves things half done. She does her work as quick as she can (translation: poorly and messy) so she can relax. She does not jump into new projects with enthusiasm, because she is counting how much work it will involve. In other words…a mini-me.
I’ve been wondering if my old complementarian position was influenced by my inclination to take the easiest route? I can remember many times saying something like this. “Once you understand God’s plan for wife’s submission, things become so much easier!” And truly, it did. It was easier to do let my brain numb up when his arguments sounded convincing rather than research for a few hours to counter them. It was so much easier to let him take the blame for our failures, because I was “submitting.” I was doing the complementarian “duck and let God hit him” manuever. The trouble was, I was getting whacked as well! Not only in the pain of living with past mistakes, but in burying my talent in the ground and ignoring it…in other words, being lazy.
No so anymore. I’m still submitting, but it looks very different. And dangit! It’s more work! I realize I have a responsibility to present my viewpoint and apply my rationale to decisions. I can no longer “check out” as my lazy nature likes to do. I believe our decisions will be stronger and better when I work at them, too. And I believe wholeheartedly God wants me to dig up that talent I buried out of laziness – disguised as “wifely submission” – and start investing in the path our life will take.
Recently, that means working at understanding legalize and crunching numbers…ick! Many times, I admit it’s too much for me. I ask for the same clarification over and over. That stuff won’t stay in my random access memory! I want to give up and let him do all the work. It is here I recognize how wifely submission fit well with my lazy streak. I wasn’t necessarily submitting to him, but to my own pleasure!
There was a reason God created male AND female, and it wasn’t so men would always have a servant to care for them. But, because together, they are one. I am trying hard to not let my laziness create an imbalance this time around.
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them.
male and female he created them.Genesis 1:27
4 thoughts on “A little confession”
Complementarianism in my marriage had the same effect: carelessness on my part because I wasn’t “responsible” for the decisions he made, and a bit of self-indulgence on his part. I have to say that though we never had a husband-ruled/wife-subordinated marriage, since we stopped being “technically comp” we have both grown up a bit. Taking equal responsibility for the outcome of decisions has helped both of us.
Ah, the “technically comps”…
(I’m assuming this is my cousin so I can get away with this joke. Apologies if not.)
YES. Although I’m technically still on the comp side of the boat, this has bothered me as well! “Submission” has been widely abused, we (ok, not me but “we” in my circles) talk about the wife needed to follow, to, in a sense, build his ego, to make his home a haven etc etc. We cover meeting his physical needs & emotional needs. But in the name of submission, iron sharpening iron is tossed out the window. Forget commands to exhort one another in love. Forget using our spiritual gifts outside our own sex. Forget being his accountability, we aren’t to “correct” our husbands.
basically, forget the Bible.
*steps off soapbox*
I am thankful to have married a man humble enough to encourage me to do right even though it isn’t traditionally the way marriage should appear!
Yeah, I know a lot of these “technically comps” that are pretty egalitarian in practice! Some day they will drop the charade as I did! 🙂