The hope that is in me

 I was challenged. “Why do you have to write about gender equality?”

In the last year, I have flipped. For some, it is a mystery to be solved. What about Kay’s past contributed to her current obsession with women’s role in God’s kingdom? I honor those who ask. I answer with passion. But, for those who don’t ask, I hope. I feel hope.

I was queried, “Has your theology changed?” I answered. “Yes.” Before, I thought God was gifting me, yet asking me to wait before unwrapping. As a test of faith. And all I tasted was dirt. Buried.

Now, I’ve talked with the Man at Jacob’s well. He offers water that is not pink nor blue. A job to do. People to tell. A story of my own. A voice. Resurrection. New life. Hope.

My writing is voice. Word. I am the redeemed. I say so. I hope for more. Not then, but now!

I was challenged. “I don’t want to die.”

According to statistics my life is not yet half over. I have feared death. Its mystery. Its terror. Its emptiness. Its loneliness. As a girl, I wanted nothing more than marriage, love. I got it. Yet, there is more. And there is nothing. Without hope. I know hope.

I hope for life after. As a human woman. As Kay. In Christ. Humbled, yet utterly exalted. Tasting divinity.

Death is entrance. And an exit.

Without the hope of being known and knowing Someone. I don’t know how I could survive now.

I was challenged, “I am an utter failure.”

Constant guilt. That is the definition of motherhood.

I can’t swallow the fear of ruining a childhood. Fear does not improve behavior. (mine) Nor does screaming lectures. (their’s) I know they think I hate them. I know it too. Little bothers. Let me alone!

A vast divide separates my hope from reality. My hope is built on nothing less. His success, not mine.

I ponder these things as THE celebration nears. For, what is hope, but a celebration of Easter? Up, up! Arise, My Love.

The first challenge was from a good friend. The second, from my daughter, age eight. The last was mine.

One thought on “The hope that is in me

  1. Very good, Kay.
    I saw your first line on my blog roll this morning, “Why to you have to write about gender equality,” and my wheels started turning with a post of my own. Because I have to write about it too.

    But each of us have our own reply. As you point out, each of us have our own, unique, God-given voice. And I’m glad you have added your voice to conversation on the equality side. There are many ways to approach it. There are many ways to say it. And we need all those ways in the conversation.


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